Easter Holiday Plans

Ok so for this year's Easter holiday, I am going to make some plans that will help me be a better person. These goals aren't nearly as descriptive and ambitious as last year's, but hey, i barely fulfilled last year's goals so i figure i'll try a more simple and practical approach. God help me.

Health:

1. Exercise in the Naval Compound twice a week (includes running and swimming).

2. Jog around my neighborhood and do pushups and situps (starting with 30 per day increasing by 10 every week).

3. Drink 3 litres of water and eat a fruit a day (obvious)

Spiritual:

1. Follow my Canonical Bible Reading plan on my iPhone before I sleep.

Academics:

1. Do one of my homework per day until I finish

2. Study for Cambridge, which means trying to do the PDF's. If i run into a question and I don't get, I open my Cambridge book, find the appropriate chapter, and do the exercises in that chapter. For Math, I need to bring my questions to my tutor after I try them.

Hobby:

1. Do vocal exercises every day

2. Music practice? Nah, i think i need to sacrifice my music in favour of my grades.

So the basic schedule of every day will be as follows:

1. I wake up (preferably at 7-8ish) and immediately do half of my pushups and situps and after that I try to jog two kilometres.

2. I take a bath and eat.

3. I start my homework and after that I study Cambridge.

4. The sooner I get my studying done, the sooner I can play until bedtime.

5. Before I sleep, I read my Bible on my iPhone.

6. If I exercise in the Naval Compound, no studying. :)

-Yugi

Dilemma

I am currently facing a dilemma that had actually been plaguing me since i was little. Of course, this dilemma is about my attitude and personality. This dilemma is centred on the difference between self-security and stubbornness. As everyone knows, I am a very quiet person who only talks when I feel that it is necessary. It might be okay in classes, but it feels weird when I'm out of class where I'm supposed to just let loose. It's hard for me to let loose especially when we're in a group. I might be loose when I am close with every single person in the group, but if even one person in the group is someone I don't know well, I become passive. As a result, it is hard for me to find good friends just by talking to them. They say that laughter is the shortest road to friendship, but I just can't crack jokes that aren't sarcastic. They only laugh at my clumsiness. I feel socially awkward. How can I make friends if all I do around people is be polite, smile, and answer questions? I ask questions myself, but they usually never go anywhere and I only ask in private. I feel like I treat everyone like my boss; so rigid, so formal, even when it is not appropriate for such attitudes. Now, are all these things part of my personality and I should be secure with myself being like this? Or are all these things bad habits that needs to be eradicated from my life as soon as possible? I've been like this for almost 10 years, so had I been secure with my quiet personality for all this time? Or had I been too stubborn to change into a better person? If I keep this attitude up, how can I live in this world? How can I bear itching everyday to join a conversation yet feeling uncomfortable being myself? What is being myself? Who am I supposed to be like? Is my quietness who I am or is it a product of some past wound? Self-identity crisis? This is my dilemma.

Stuff on my mind right now

Homeworks -- especially JOURNALS! Others are easy shit.

Studying -- I strive to be a scientist so I really have to work hard on my math and chemistry! Bio easy lah

Cambridge -- I'm really not sure if I should prioritize school or Cambridge. If I prioritize school, then what was the use of signing up for Cambridge? It would be a waste of money. The same goes for if I prioritize Cambridge; why should I stay in MSA? Ironic, this was what mom suggested earlier last year but I was too attached to MSA to leave :/ Cambridge opens more doors for me than MSA does, but still....

SAT/ACT -- With school and Cambridge keeping me busy, I practically have no time to even open my books on them. Sure my aim is to go to USA, but Commonwealth countries aren't bad. Besides, I think that the curriculum is pretty similar so the stuff I learn from Cambridge could be useful for my SAT/ACT. Still, I need to worry about my immediate obstacles before I can even think about this.

Keeping track of the bastards who keep on borrowing stuff from me -- pretty self-explanatory

Not misplacing my belongings -- Okay, this thing is becoming such a nuisance that it is unbearable. At the time of writing this, I have lost my math homework book and my calculator. I hate how some of my stuff just seem to literally disappear into thin air. It's like I'm under a curse or something. It's sorcery. This really disrupts the efficiency of my studies, so I have to prioritize on stamping this bad habit out of my life ONCE AND FOR ALL. Hopefully.

Social life -- You know what they say, you can't have good grades, a good social life, and a good sleep at the same time. Right now, I'm sacrificing this part of my life so that I can get good grades and a good sleep. Who cares if people see me to be going back into my shell? I'm gonna be successful with our without them. Still.....i need to be nice to people. I need to radiate joy etc etc blablabal. I also gotta put others before myself blablablabla.... -_-

Spiritual life -- NEED TO FOCUS ON THIS!!! Dammit! I always fall asleep before I get to read my Bible. My spirit is thirsty.....

Health -- Simple but always on my mind. Always finish my catering meals. Drink 3litres of water a day. Eat a fruit a day. Do not skip meals. Do not forget vitamins.

Exercise -- I need to be fit, especially in preparation for the upcoming Sports Day. Daily morning jogging? Daily pushups, sittups, and footwork activities? Daily stretching? So many plans but none of them are consistently followed yet. NEED! Of course, my main aim is to keep my body (temple of God) healthy, but being able to show off my fitness is a welcomed bonus. I need to practice badminton so that I won't embarrass myself and be at least decent. I need to practice swimming in case I'm forced to swim. I'll sekalian mention chess here even though it's out of context. Yeah, I need to practice chess everyday to beat EDWINT! :)

Music -- I seriously have no time for this anymore. People consider my ability to play the clarinet and saxophone to be my unique ability and that somewhat gives me a little confidence. However, I'm not THAT good in these instruments. I never practice regularly anymore, so how can I claim this to be a talent of mine? I have time to play my handful of songs on the piano though. I'm not too worried about this cause I don't plan to be a musician. Maybe when I'm older I can get back at them.

Vocal -- Whether I like it or not, I have reached a point where I have to sing in public more than once a week. Therefore, I NEED to be faithful in my vocal exercises as well as keep my body healthy so that my vocal chords are also healthy. The thing is, vocal exercises give me confidence. I do not feel that I can sing well if I have neglected my exercises for more than one week. I also have a strange tendency to eat before a performance because I feel that my voice after a meal is nicer (because it doesn't crack on bridges).

Praise and Worship Team -- In continuation with the above, I am involved in both the school and church worship team. In school, I am now the main male backup singer (as Paul got suspended) so a lot of pressure falls on me to sing loud. The problem is, I don't feel comfortable singing loud. First because of my natural shyness. Second because my voice tends to crack if I sing loud. As I progress in my vocal exercises, I hope to one day control these more effectively. The same goes for my church service, except that my voice is well hidden under other strong male singers so I feel slightly more comfortable there. And no, I did not join to get closer to "her". This is not about her, this is about God.

Games -- It's still here. I know that I should forget about these and focus on my studies but I am still able to squeeze time out of my day to play some games. The thing is, I have so many pending games to try out! I'm curious! These include Assassin's Creed, Kingdom Hearts, Pokemon, I-Ninja, and many more. Tetris Battle deserves a mention here. It's so addicting! You know what they say, once a gamer always a gamer.

CW -- No matter how hard I try to deny it, It's still here. No matter how much I try to suppress myself, I still think about her everyday. What used to be happy thoughts a year ago has turned mostly into regrets now. What I did was not right. It was stupid. It hurt both of us and helped no one. I really want to apologize, but should I? Would it be creepy? I keep on telling myself that I'm over her, but my heart still aches when I see her face. I have been telling myself that I want to be her friend, but the more I think about it, I don't think that we are compatible even to be friends. But then again, what was the relationship before I started going crazy? We used to be friends, right? We hung out together, we went karaokeing, she went to my birthday. Sigh. I am still filled with guilt everytime I see her. Maybe I should be bold and just get it over with and confront her. But I'm too cowardly for that right now. THERE IS NO CONDEMNATION IN CHRIST. FORGET ABOUT PAST REGRETS AND MOVE ON. Act as if nothing happened? Yeah, I'll actually try that.